The last semester has been one hell of a roller coaster ride for me. What began in a high-spirited, optimistic beginning (just after the wonderful trip to the Balkans) quickly degenerated into a mired-down, messy and downer mid-semester. My beloved phone broke down (and learn how real Nomophobia is first hand), and in its’ place I got a cheap backup phone with the intention of waiting out the warranty claim. That warranty claim ended up into a two months grueling affair, and that blasted phone, when it did finally came out of the ‘repair’ process, went busted again mere two weeks after use.
Academically, it is a mess too. I went to a long, protracted conflict with my lecturer, which taught TWO of my subjects that semester. Bringing a sensitive and polarizing subjects like that of female equality rights and homosexual issues into the class ought to bring impassioned, often extreme supports on either side. I ended up being on the other side of his stance. Made me extremely prickly with the SJW types. And he duly blocked me from taking the two subjects final examination. (The second one being blocked a day before the exam, the audacity!)
To give fair treatment to the issue, I did admit that I skimped some of his class earlier in the semester. He cannot accept my reason of skipping the first week of the semester (despite it being an add-drop period) and even through my reasoning that I did play my part in the classes discussion and group assignments (let alone being the head on some of it!), he rejected it bluntly. After promising him to keep my attendances in check afterwards, the guy still blocked me at the end of the semester. How damning is that?
As if being a huge masochist myself, in that deep mess too I decided to confront the elephant in the room of my months long muse; her silence. I never expected the kind of Pandora box the decision to tackle it was. Yet, for someone I considered to be important and dear to me, swiping that problem under the rug is not an option. There’s nothing worse than a woman in silence, and that silence being one of repressed resentment and unsettled conflicts. And boy, do I suffer for it…
At least, as consolation, I get my answer. There are many questions in this world that I can live with without answers to it, but ‘her’ question is not one of it. She deserved my attention and time, for she has did the same to me in my gloomiest time two years back.
Alas, I cannot do justice to her.
And now, a penitent man, can only ask constantly for forgiveness.