Trust is an important part in any long-lasting relationship. Some give it more liberally than others, whom might guard it with extreme prejudice and care. I’m admittedly, fell to the first group, rather than the latter.

And in reflection, how much do I suffer personally, because of this temperament of mine.

In team-building workshop or motivational camp or anything of such nature, there will always be some form of trust-building game, most often come in the form of ‘catch-me’ kind of game, where one party willingly dropped themselves in the hope that his/her partner catches their fall.

In some respect, trust is like that, except perhaps, deeper.

Also, trust in this sense is not physical per se, but the willingness to connect, be exposed by sharing your personal weaknesses, worries and deepest, darkest secrets, it is an intensely emotional and spiritual connection, transcending mere physicality. The willingness comes from the understanding that deep down inside, we human beings yearn to be connected and understood by others. Yet, the very act for getting understood is also synonymous with exposing oneself, for true advice needed context, and context can only be seen when one have personal information of the person he seek to help.

Akin to how a doctor can only do a proper diagnosis through honest disclosure from his patients.

Yet, this view leaves a lot to be desired, as I learned it in the last couple of years. While indeed that we desire to be understood, it should be noted that some people can be very unscrupulous and downright cunning in perusing our easily obtained trust. Secrets are by it’s own nature, degrading and disgraceful bits of our own self that we prefer kept to ourselves. These bits of sensitive information, might as well backfire and can leave us both mentally and emotional compromised if being manipulated by others…

Like how they said, the closest of friends can become the bitterest of enemies when the relationship goes south.

And that is how I felt right now. It is as if, all the long night of chats we shared over months, poring out our life-stories, worries and hopes for the future become an empty endeavor. I thought that through the practice of it, we can learn and build the trust to each other. Yet, when I see that you still conceal secrets to me, even if it concerned me directly, I know that you haven’t trusted me yet.

Even if, from my own standpoint, I’ve given bits and details of my life that make me (figuratively) stark naked like a glass to you.

How gullible I am. Granted, you are under no obligation to return the favor, for it is your right. Yet, I feel immensely cheated, used and fooled at the end of it. Can love even retain itself without trust? I don’t know, nor do I care at this moment already.

One thing I know is that, relationship is an altogether different field as compared to intellectual pursuit. Philosophical discussions and theoretical musings might look logically nice and dandy but in respect of human beings, the emotional aspect always throw the best hideous spanner to destroy the best constructed machine.

Maybe, human beings is indeed unlovable.

27

Comics taken from TheOatmeal

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